Tools For Learning

Inspiration for Parents & Educators

Reasons For Inappropriate Behavior Part 2

on July 8, 2013

Are Your Kids Get-Even Seekers?

Usually kids who seek revenge, after losing a power struggle with their parents, want to get even with them. They may say or do something that is both hurtful and harmful. Get-Even Seekers may be rude in word and action, often times, they say untrue things about either or both parents. The result may be an ongoing “war” between them and you if left unchecked.

Parent Strategies for Get-Even Seekers

* Refuse to comment or argue
* Simply ignore the incident
* Talk with your kids when everyone is calm
* Engage in another activity

Are Your Kids Giving-Up Seekers?

Sometimes, children give up trying when something is hard for them, such as schoolwork or sports. It is usually an area in which kids feel unable to succeed. When kids get super frustrated and give up, parents feel like giving up also. When this happens, the kids’ goals are met: the parents have verbally and/or non verbally have agreed to expect little or nothing from their kids.

Strategies for Giving-Up Seekers

* Be careful not to pity your kids
* Encourage your kids with your words and actions
* Go to their sports’ events and say: “WOW! What a great catch! I knew you could do it.” or “Good effort” I’m so proud of you for hanging in there.”
* Comment positively on kids’ school activities and homework. You may consider saying: “Your paragraph and illustration are the best ever! or ” I really enjoyed reading your story and really think the picture you drew was perfect!”

For children who are in need of some behavior interventions, your focus should be that your needs and theirs are considered. When ythis happens, all concerned feel valued. This proactive approach is effective because it is grounded in the belief that kids resist be controlled. In trying just to “control” your precious ones, you expend and inordinate time and energy. This type of reactive control takes away their opportunities to develop confidence, responsibility, and self control.

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